A Collection Of Protips From The Last Half-Decade

According to KnowYourMeme, a “PROTIP is a term often used in forums and comments to preface snarky, obvious, counterintuitive, or sometimes genuine advice for the novice.” I have offered numerous protips over the past half-decade, ranging from snarky to genuine. Here, for your edification, are my protips to date:

* Protip: the “I automatically delete my emails after reading them” defense rarely works http://j.mp/1OepwZ1 (Twitter 2016)

* Protip: don’t try to intimidate witnesses, especially if your Instagram handle is “snitch_killa305” http://j.mp/1ljPHpf (Twitter 2015)

* Protip: you’ll never match up with Mr. (or Ms.) Right if you don’t enter your email address correctly #millennials #TextingPreferred (Twitter 2015)

* Protip to personal injury plaintiffs: don’t Facebook-checkin at courthouse with the status “becoming a millionaire” http://j.mp/1mb18AE (Twitter 2015)

* I just signed a 14 page law firm engagement letter. Protip: if your engagement letter is 14 pages, it’s probably 12-13 pages too long (Twitter 2015)

* Kozinski used the term “neutral tools” five times, but he never defined the term or explained if online tool ever can be “neutral” (protip: the answer is no). (Blog 2015)

* Protip: usually when a disciplinary authority enforces the lawyer oath, it’s because they didn’t have a very strong case of misconduct (Blog 2015)

* Protip to lawyers: be careful signing online petitions, especially if they possibly relate to a matter you’re working on! (Blog 2015)

* a protip we knew even before Google’s critics shat on the first three settlement proposals: Google’s critics will *NEVER* be happy with any settlement proposal that Google would voluntarily accept (Blog 2015)

* protip to griping bloggers: even though it’s surely fair use, please don’t include headshots on your blog (Blog 2014)

* Protip: save your “I hate my job” gallows humor and workplace venting for your diary or happy hour at the local bar, not your Facebook timeline. (Blog 2014)

* another protip to griping bloggers: even though it’s surely fair use, please don’t include headshots on your blog. It’s avoidable litigation-bait (Blog 2014)

* Protip: before buying a digital song or movie, I check eBay and Half.com to see how much it costs to buy the same CD or DVD used (Blog 2013)

* Protip: Kegstands and Vertigo Are Inconsistent With Each Other–Johnson v. Ingalls (Blog 2012)

* A protip of general applicability: never allow sharp objects at family reunions. (Blog 2012)

* a new protip: if you’re involved in a fight, check with your lawyer before discussing said fight on Facebook (Blog 2012)

BONUS: My co-blogger Venkat Balasubramani has blogged some protips as well:

* Pro-tip: if you’re going to let someone borrow your phone, make sure you don’t have any sexy selfies that can be freely accessed by anyone who accesses the phone. (Blog 2014)

* PRO TIP: I presume the temptation is strong to monitor your soon-to-be-ex-spouse’s email, but resist it at all costs! (Blog 2014)

* Pro-tip: First Amendment merits aside, as a lawyer, I would avoid the “I have an absolute right to contact my ex” argument. (Blog 2014)

* Protip: Don’t Send Emails Threatening to “Inflict the Maximum Amount of Financial Pain” Allowed By Law (Blog 2014)